This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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