that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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