You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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