Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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