Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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