Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
