He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
