My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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