just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
