Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
