the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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