I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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