I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
