Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
