The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
