I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
