woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
