11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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