Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
