Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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