I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
