Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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