just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
