youre lurking in front of me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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