a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
