I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
