Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
