i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
