Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You need Xanax blowdarts
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
