What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
