this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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