Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
