Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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