Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
