You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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