My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
