I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
