I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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