Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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