I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
