google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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