Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
