I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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