I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
