I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
