haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
