She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize