It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
