Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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