Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
