Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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