I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
