Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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