I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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