If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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