Moan for me like Helen Keller
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
