she woke up with a sticky ear
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
