do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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