Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize