normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
