I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
