I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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