I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
