I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
