I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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