i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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