So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
